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Not So Good at the Crime Thing

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I’ve heard the line “senseless violence” before in discussing crimes and criminals, but I don’t think that applies as well to this story. From the Associated Press:

A reward of up to $1,000 is being offered for information leading to the arrest of one or more suspects in an attempted robbery. Grand Junction authorities say a group of several people attacked a 62-year-old man with a large rock last Tuesday while trying to steal a wallet. The attackers did not get the wallet, but they did get away — all with blue bandanas over their faces. The suspects are described only as being somewhere in their late teens to early twenties. The victim’s condition is unknown. Anyone with information is being urged to contact Mesa County Crime Stoppers. The number is 970-241-7867, or 1-800-221-7867.

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These robbers are so poor (how poor are they?) that they had to attack their victim with a large rock. No gun. No knife. Heck, they didn’t even have a baseball bat. Just a large rock. As if that isn’t sad enough, there were several of them, and they couldn’t steal the wallet from a 62-year-old man. With a large rock. Was the rock not large enough? Or was it so large that it couldn’t be effectively wielded? What were the other guys doing while one guy attacked with the rock? They couldn’t get their own rock? Was this like the one rock that they all shared? I got dibs on the rock today! The best part of this story is that the would-be robbers had the foresight to wear bandanas to conceal their identities, but at no point did it occur to any of them that perhaps they should get a weapon other than a large rock. And while I’m ranting, can we not call them “bandits,” as the headline to the story puts it. Just because you wear a bandana doesn’t make you a bandit. If you have a gang and fail at robbing someone because you only had a large rock, you’re not a bandit. That’s like saying I’m an astronaut because I like to drink Tang. Those guys clearly aren’t good at being bandits, and then there’s this guy, who can’t even figure out how the whole transportation thing works:

An El Paso County man who police call an unregistered sex offender is back behind bars, after he reportedly called officers to ask for a ride home. Authorities say 58-year-old Terry Patrick Barr called dispatchers on Saturday, trying to find a ride. But officers recognized his name from a state Corrections Department notice. Barr had been released from prison less than two weeks earlier. He served 12 years for sexually assaulting an eight-year-old girl. Police say Barr never registered with the department upon release, as required. Barr has a record dating back to 1964, including four convictions for child sex crimes.

This guy has been convicted four times? You don’t say. I’m surprised. Forget about the fact that he was an unregistered sex offender — who calls the police to get a ride? And why does the dispatcher take the call seriously enough to look up the guy’s name? If he didn’t have a criminal record would somebody have picked him up? I’ve never thought to call the police to get a ride home, but maybe I should…after I make sure I’m not wanted for anything, of course. Apparently the police in El Paso County only provide transportation to people who aren’t criminals. They say the economy and job market is improving in Colorado, and it’s a good thing for these guys; crime is defintely not the best career choice here.

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