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A Pat On The Backside

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Last night was a nice, mellow evening. Except for the part where hubby smacked Jake Plummer on the ass — I’ll get to that in a moment — it was surprisingly low key.

I went to the Jake Plummer Foundation’s wine tasting and dinner at Morton’s last night, hoping for a little socialite/celebrity drama to unfold before me. Other than a few Simple Life-worthy quotables from well manicured yet ill-spoken trophy wives in the ladies’ room (who knew that getting “like, the perfect waves” could be such an in depth, lengthy topic of conversation?) it was largely uneventful. Which isn’t to say the event was boring. We had a very pleasant evening full of great food, killer wine, and a stylish crowd perfect for people watching. The outdoor tent was chilly, so most of the guests had to crowd inside Morton’s, swilling sips of Opus and champagne while snacking on filet mignon, chilled oysters, and the biggest jumbo shrimp I have seen this year. The silent auction offered the expected football and other sports deals, plus a few must-have items like the PBR cruiser bike we were bidding on. Later, the Railbenders rocked their country twang thang outside to a thin crowd (the music was piped inside and viewable on a big screen TV for our warmer viewing pleasure). And then MC Vic Lombardi from CBS4 started ushering the crowd out the door to start the live auction outside under the tent. This was no easy task, considering that the toasty, wine-filled interior was far more inviting than the cold, breezy parking lot.

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So you’re probably curious as to what prompted my normally laid-back, reserved husband to jump into a round of random ass-smackings, right? It’s a fair question. The answer: I don’t really know. Seems that Plummer was wriggling through the crowd — using a bit more grace and care than his usual playing field tactics — but somehow, he managed to run squarely right-smack into my husband. He apologized, of course, and hubby responded with an offhand “That’s cool, man.” And an automantic, manly-man, football-player, totally inappropriate pat on the backside. Go figure.

In the end, we were outbid on the PBR cruiser. Plummer made his way to the stage where he announced his donation of a hefty $100,000 to both the Alzheimer’s Foundation and to the Family Tree. I scored a fantastic red Laura Mercier lipstick from my handy gift bag. And hubby? Well, now I have a funny story to embarrass him at parties for months to come.

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