The Jeans Shortage

March 2005

Denver needs a jeans boutique. There is a severe shortage of good quality, hip-looking jeans that fit. That's gotta be it. I know we have Hub, and The Skye, and the ubiquitous Gap stores. Worst case, there's always the department store. But I just don't understand. Why is it still so freakin' hard to find a pair of jeans that fit? I went shopping for jeans yesterday. The result was horribly depressing. I'm fat. That's the only conclusion that one can reach after the wiggling, stuffing, and yanking involved in getting into a pair of "stretch denim" torture devices. Granted, I realize that tall, skinny girls have issues too, as do short, skinny girls, tall, fat girls, happy-medium gals and short fat chicks like me. We're all equally screwed. But the question remains. Why the hell is this such a challenge?

And that's just the shopping part. The day after is even worse. Now I'm on the I'm-too-fat-to-buy-jeans diet. I'm desperately trying to limit my food intake to two bites of anything healthy, and no naughty goodies. I'm not craving Oreos... nope. I'll take two bites of cottage cheese instead. Krispy Kremes? No way. I'll just nibble on an apple slice instead. Yes, this is miserable, and yes, I know that it's not a good game plan for long-term health. I don't care. I'm fat, and I need to fit into ONE pair of jeans that make my butt look good. That's all I'm asking for. We'll see how long this lasts. Think I'll get to Saturday? If so, I'll go shopping again. But I'm really open to your ideas, comments, and suggestions. See that neat little "comments" link down below? Use it. I need your help.