I Am a 300-Pound Behemoth

October 18 2007, 2:47 PM

I once saw a comedian perform at the HBO Comedy Festival in Aspen, and his schtick was both interesting and entertaining. I don't remember his name, but the basic premise was this: He traveled the world meeting every person he could find with the same name and documented his travels. I think it would be fun to travel the world meeting everyone named Jason Bane, and if I did, one of my first stops would be in Cleveland, Ohio. In fact, if the Cleveland Indians meet the Colorado Rockies in the World Series, perhaps I could meet the gigantic version of myself. You see, Jason Bane is a 6-foot-8, 300 pound professional wrestler in Cleveland, Ohio. I know this because I have a Google alert created with my name in it, and most of the alerts I receive are about the giant - and apparently much more famous - Jason Bane. Here's the most recent story I received about an upcoming match:

Jason Bane: The 6'8" 300+ behemoth is one of the most intimidating physical presences anywhere. The man who recently made Chris Masters back away from him in fear on a recent episode of WWE Smackdown has conquered promotions in Cleveland before, and looks to make PWO his next home base of dominance.

Wow! I sound AWESOME. Unfortunately, I don't really look awesome in this picture. I also don't look like a behemoth. I get news alerts about the behemoth Jason Bane about once a week, and I always wonder if he is using a stage name or if Jason Bane is his real name. I like my name enough - it's no Stone Phillips - but I'll freely admit that it's not a very cool name for a professional wrestler. Hulk Hogan? Cool. Jason Bane? Not so much.

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