Does Sitting Down at a Restaurant Mean You Have to Stay?
The server placed a water glass in front of me before I acknowledged that I should have left Phoenician Kabob just after I had entered. The signs were clear from the beginning: A lone woman sat at the counter and another couple were the only diners in the dark Middle Eastern eatery on Colfax Avenue. But I had a glass of water, and it was too late to walk to the register and order takeout. Had I recognized earlier, say, after looking at the menu, that my hummus shawarma would be best eaten at a City Park picnic table, I would have changed my order and left. I'm not, after all, opposed to leaving a restaurant I've entered or even been seated at if the reasons are right.
Several times while on vacation, I've followed a guidebook to an unknown restaurant and found myself looking at a menu that only offers burritos when I want a taco, or whose cocktails are $5 more than the $7 I'd hoped to pay. In those cases, in an unknown land, water glass or not, I close my menu and walk out. In my home city, though, I don't feel quite as liberated. I'll only leave a Denver restaurant if it's run out of the dish I've come to eat, or if it's unkempt and off-putting. Local dining maven Gabby Gourmet generally agrees with this approach, acknowledging that while it's rare for a diner to leave, if a restaurant is very expensive or if the waitstaff is obviously mistreating a diner, he's entitled to get up and go. Chefs, though, see things a bit differently. "Sometimes people just get up and go. It happens in every restaurant," says Mary Nguyen, owner and chef of Parallel 17. "Whenever it happens, we assume that we did something wrong." Nguyen encourages diners to communicate. If they simply want a different experience--for example, pizza, instead of the Vietnamese fare Parallel 17 serves--she suggests telling the restaurant that you're looking for something else but will be back in the future. Troy Guard, chef and owner of the soon-to-open TAG on Larimer Square, also appreciates this open communication. If a diner lets Guard know why he's leaving, the chef can try to compensate for a bad experience. "I want you to leave happy. I'll buy you a drink if I need to," Guard says. So while it's hard to deny a diner's right to leave, the question still remains: Should he leave? Even if there's a water glass?
Comments
Submitted by MrEd (not verified) on Wed, 2009-03-25 06:08.
Timely article for me. I walked into a steakhouse last evening, sat at the bar, ordered a glass of wine and got a menu. After taking a couple of sips of the wine and reading the menu I noticed that about 10 to 15 twentysomethings were sitting at the bar and they were very drunk and noisy. I asked the bartender for my check and pointed to the people. She understood.
Submitted by Cynthia (not verified) on Tue, 2009-03-24 13:27.
Are there any "standards" for getting up and leaving if you are seated and then left wondering if you'll ever get a glass of water, not to mention the opportunity to place an order? Sure, all successful restaurants get busy, but how long should we wait? I think I'd rather have the greeter tell me it will be 10 minutes before getting seated, rather than get seated and wait 10 minutes before service. Honestly, no matter how good I think the food will be, it is just plain unpleasant to have to sit and wait and then wonder if it is "polite" to get up and leave. I'm willing to wait a few minutes if I have a drink in front of me (yes, even humble eau de denver), but if I begin to wonder if the chef had to go shopping to serve my meal, I'm going to think about leaving. Restaurant owners and managers should look around at the seated customers every few minutes, and if there is more waiting going on, whether it is for a glass of water, the menu, or the food, perhaps they should reconsider either getting more wait staff, or more table bussers, or simplifying the menu. I sure won't go back to a place that's left me wondering just why I went in there in the first place. That goes for all the highest rated places, too. Surreal Lies, indeed. Very funny!
Submitted by le_mous (not verified) on Sat, 2009-03-21 08:42.
What? Seriously? Of COURSE you can leave. Are you kidding? Anything else would be short of.. Culinary kidnapping. That being said however, from your article I suspect that you mean you want to leave but not have to say anything regarding a reason? Avoiding some sort of confrontation or the opportunity to possibly look bad?
That part, I do NOT agree with. Sorry but you should show at least a little social grace and provide some explanation, no matter how banal, dumb, indecisive, or generally idiotic you might sound. Some possible examples;
Part 1: Hi, parson me, I'm sorry but I'm going to go ahead and leave. (Declare your intentions.) No, I haven't ordered any food or drinks, (reassuring that you're not going to screw the place out of a coke and falafel.) Now for what sounds to be the tough part for you. The `excuse'.
The Dodge: "Gosh! You know what? I left my wallet in the car!". Pro: Gets you out with the least fuss. Con: In addition to being a bit awkward, you may be reticent to going back, less the host/hostess recognizes you as, `that nutjob from last time'.
The Artful Dodge: "Hey, sorry to do this, but I can't stay to eat. I've got to run, personal matter." Pro: nixes any questions they might have. Con: Honestly, you still sort of seem like a nutjob.
The Honest Reason: "Hi, look.. Nothing against your restaurant but once I sat down I realized that I was completely in the mood for something else entirely. Nothing personal, but I think I'm gonna pass. Thank you for the water." Pro: Honesty. Con: You look indecisive, but honestly. Why should you be caring what someone else really thinks anyway?
The Surreal Lie: "Allo! I am the sorry! I am not the place right! Not from you, America! No want food, want shoe repair! No water! Thank you shoe!" Pro: you'll pretty much confuse the living hell out of them, which gives you a good escape. Con: Every time you go in there again, you're going to have to pretend you're a Greek sheepherder or Albanian bus driver. That being said, you COULD have some fun with it.
Either way, the crux of the matter is that it really sounds like you just feel bad for doing it. Don't feel bad for leaving if you don't find anything you want there, and don't let a place guilt-trip you into staying over a tamale. Oh, and most of all.. Have fun.
Submitted by Emma (not verified) on Fri, 2009-03-20 09:53.
Absolutely you should leave if you change your mind - or for whatever reason decide you would rather not eat there.
I cannot come up with a single reason to stay, if you don't feel like it. Not to hurt the owners feeelings? This is a business and you pay quite a bit of money for the emjoyment of your experience.
This is not the same as being invited to someone's home. If you can do it while you are traveling, you should be the same straightforward to direct at home!
