If the title of this post applies to you, you might just be the person or company lucky enough to blast Hunter Thompson's ashes  into the wild blue yonder. So many cannon owners have volunteered their weaponry, the Aspen Daily News is holding a contest: In 100 words or less, by snail mail only, tell them why you should be selected. Entries are due by March 13. Your cannon must be ready on short notice. (In case Hunter changes his mind?)
Entrants must include an actual photograph of the cannon being entered (no conceptual drawings), how far it fires, an approximate date when it was last fired, and whether anyone was seriously injured at said firing. Cannons with historic value or from Kentucky will be awarded extra points. Any other important or impressive information should also be included. Entrants MUST actually own the cannon being entered, or obtain legal access to it. "The winner is responsible for transporting the cannon to Aspen at his or her own expense, and on short notice," Hooper said.