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Illustrations by Shaw Nielsen

Vail Employees Really Should Wear Tuxedos

Aspen just debuted a custom uniform for its staff. So we imagined what workers at other resorts would wear to reflect their employers’ most recognizable traits.

This season, staff at Aspen Snowmass will make the slopes their runway by donning outerwear from the resort’s new line, AspenX. (Starting next month, guests will be able to purchase versions of the pants and jacket for only $525 and $725, respectively.) Frankly, developing an expensive brand for employee uniforms is the most “Aspen” thing we’ve ever heard of—so, in that spirit, we imagined getups for workers at other Colorado resorts that reflect their employers’ most recognizable traits.

Tight Fit

Lake City Ski Hill in Hinsdale County has relied on the same single lift since the resort debuted in 1966, and it’s now the oldest chair in the state. So, they should just keep embracing the vintage vibe with uniforms made of body-squeezing spandex or nylon, both vogue materials for 1960s gear.

The High Country

What better way for Eldora Mountain to celebrate nearby Nederland’s longtime association with cannabis culture than with a snow-friendly, polyester version of the drug rug: a pullover hoodie of coarse fabric made popular by wannabe surfer bros everywhere.

Endless Summer

A ski-jacket-and-pants version of fake bikini shirts, already the official uniform of Myrtle Beach, might be an appropriate look for Arapahoe Basin Ski Area employees, considering the resort regularly stays open until late June and has a tailgating area known as the Beach.

Denim Downhillers

Canadian tuxedos align seamlessly with Telluride’s celebrity culture (Britney and Justin wore them first!). Plus, they’d make the many Texans who frequent the mountain feel more at home.

Dressed to Impress

Winter-ready penguin suits would finally give Vail the (white-gloved) upper hand in its never-ending battle against Aspen to see which mountain can land on more “Top 10 Most Luxurious Ski Resorts” lists.

Save a Horse, Ride the Powder

Stetsons and chaps are a good fit at Steamboat Ski Resort, site of the Cowboy Downhill, an annual event in January that welcomes wranglers who participated in the National Western Stock Show. Spurs, though, might pose some liability issues.

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