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Illustration by Totto Renna

We Turned Denver Into a Mario Kart Course

With all the city's construction and transportation woes, it wasn't hard.

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Our hearts wahoooed! when we learned a traveling Mario Kart–themed race series would be in Denver this month. Then the event was put on hold indefinitely. Don’t worry: Our hazard-lined streets feature enough obstacles to test even the most nimble mustachioed motorists.

Wide Load

SUVs are plenty big by themselves. Loaded with ski and bike racks, cargo carriers, pop-up trailers, and maybe a snowmobile (just in case), they’re regular Bowsers ready to run your puny Prius off the road.

Marching Orders

We love a good parade. But does every single one, like this month’s St. Patrick’s Day procession, need to go down 17th Street? Let’s take a cue from Mario Kart—where races take place in jungles, a mall, and outer space—and scatter them amongst our neighborhoods.

Slip Up

After heavy snowfalls, Denver Public Works’ modus operandi is to dispatch trucks without de-icers and hope for sun—a strategy that’s led to motorists slipping on banana-peel-slick side streets for days following winter storms.

Building Frustrations

The expansion of I-70 to eight lanes between I-25 and Chambers Road may ease gridlock, but relief is at least two years away. Until then, prepare for detours as rage-inducing as Rainbow Road.

Scooter Scourge

Even Nintendo’s evilest programmers—the minds behind piranha plants and toothy cannonballs—couldn’t dream up impediments as annoying as the electric scooters zipping through LoDo. In a Denver Public Works 2019 survey, 20 percent of respondents said they’d been hit or almost been hit by a scooter while driving.

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