Desperate times call for desperate measures, so I’m breaking out the blatant self-promotion here. Please, please, please come to my party on Wednesday night. As a first-time author, I only recently discovered the awkward and painful reality of a truly dreadful book event. Saturday, my publishers sent me trotting over to the Borders bookstore near Park Meadows, pen in hand, supposedly for a “discussion and signing” for my new book After Dark: Nightlife in Denver. I was wholly unprepared for the next hour.

Apparently, showing up is not nearly enough to garner anyone’s attention. (Duh, right?) Neither my publisher nor the bookstore had promoted the event — and obviously, judging by the sound of crickets surrounding my little signing table — neither did I. Ouch. I sat there alone, sipping coffee, feeling like the biggest ass in the universe for my allotted hour. I signed 20 books and the store’s author journal. I sold exactly one copy. To a bookstore employee. (I think she took pity on me, bless her heart.)

So, lesson learned. I need to step up my efforts to promote this book, which includes flat-out begging for attention. I’ve chucked my pride aside for the time being and will simply ask you to please, please, please, not let me sit all alone at the next book signing.

The details, should you care to attend: Wednesday, November 1, 6 p.m. I’ll be at the Hooked on Colfax bookstore (3215 E. Colfax Ave.). Afterward, assuming anyone shows up, the plan is to trek through the immediate neighborhood near the Bluebird Theater where you can throw a rock in any direction and hit a cool little bar or lounge. Around 7 we’ll hit Atomic Cowboy (3237 E. Colfax), at 8ish we’ll roll over to Mezcal (3230 E. Colfax), and by 9 p.m. we’ll end the tour at Rockbar (3015 E. Colfax), where we’ll stay until the party fizzles out. You can be home for the 10 o’clock news if you’d like. I’ll understand; you need your beauty rest.

Okay, that’s my pitch. Can’t make it Wednesday? I’m doing five — count ’em, five — of these crazy events, so you can catch me on South Broadway on Monday November 6, Cherry Creek on Wednesday November 8, South Pearl Street on Tuesday, November 14, and Highlands on Thursday, November 16. (On Friday the 17th, as you might imagine, I’m staying home to sleep.)

Hope to see you out & about.