The Day in Satire: Aspen is in a “state of shock” over a ski that went missing last weekend. That’s right, a ski—not a skier—the Onion reports. Meanwhile, police in Denver’s Stapleton neighborhood have begun checking strollers as part of their DUI enforcement, the Stapletonion writes (Westword).

The Next Battleground: If you thought the state budget would raise the most political hackles this year, brace yourself for the redistricting fight (Second Reading). The state Republican House Speaker Frank McNulty has tapped the same attorney as former Governor Bill Owens to draw the new map (Colorado Independent).

Nothing Personal: Larimer County Sheriff Justin Smith didn’t intend to offend Rocky Mountain Park officials last week when he said he’d keep the gates to the park open in the event of a government shutdown (Coloradoan). His locals-can-handle-it message was meant for Washington.

Tulo Tear: Shortstop Troy Tulowitzki powered the Colorado Rockies to a second-straight win over the New York Mets yesterday, bombing his fifth home run and and leading the team to 8-2, its best start ever. Perhaps he heard we’ve been wondering how he stacks up against Todd Helton (Associated Press).

Bumped: Former Attorney General John Ashcroft is too controversial for Fort Collins, so he’s heading to Loveland instead, where he’ll headline the 28th Annual Leadership Prayer Breakfast (Denver Post).