As the NFL ended its most controversial and polarizing season ever, karmically and fittingly, by crowning an alleged serial cheater as its champion after a contest that concluded with an ugly on-field brawl, here in Colorado, other disputes were brewing.

The arguments in this case weren’t about football, but hamburgers. During the game, the Carl’s Jr. fast food chain debuted its “All-Natural Burger” in a cheesily suggestive ad that should appeal mightily to Monty Python fans and pubescent boys everywhere. The spot claims that the ANB is Big Fast Food’s first-ever all-natural hamburger, and has neither antibiotics, steroids, nor added hormones. (The italics are mine.)

This raised the ire of the Boulder-based burger chain Good Times, which quickly dispatched its PR soldiers to point out that all-natural burgers have been in its menu rotation for more than a decade.

Leaving aside the fact that there probably was a time when every fast food chain served all-natural food, and that, for example, In-n-Out Burger’s entire brand revolves around its supposedly (relatively) healthy offerings, this faceoff might prove to be little more than a couple niche franchisers trying to grab some much-needed market share.

But if you’re spending time debating whether to choose this mass-produced burger over that mass-produced burger based on their comparative hormone content, you might want to reconsider your dietary priorities in general. Especially since the unhealthiest component of either item is probably the bun.

Follow 5280 editor-at-large Luc Hatlestad on Twitter at @LucHatlestad.