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In a (not super scientific) poll, grocery delivery company, Instacart, recently determined the most and least romantic cities in the country. And lo and behold, for the second year in a row, Denver came in fourth in the unromantic category—just in time for Valentine’s Day. Whoop-de-doo.
The survey was based on what the instant gratification app has dubbed the 2018 IRI—Instacart Romance Index, a.k.a., a list of 12 “universally romantic terms,” like “chocolate,” “champagne,” “truffle,” or “flowers.” Cities with the most Instacart requests for those items made it to the top of the list, whereas low-scoring cities like Denver fell to the bottom. (Hey, we told you it’s not a scientific poll.)
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So to keep our reputation alive, it’s only appropriate that we celebrate the day of looove in the least romantic way possible. Here are 10 un-romantic ways to ignore Valentine’s Day this year:
- Schedule a doctor appointment. Hello people, haven’t you heard that the flu is rampant this year? Get a check-up, wear a paper robe, and feel good (or not) knowing you’re taking care of yourself.
- Run errands. We’re talking Super Target, Costco, maybe even just your corner Walgreens. Nothing says “I don’t care that it’s Valentine’s Day” like stocking up on toilet paper.
- Catch up on some TV and order in. Be it a pizza or pad thai, nothing will warm your cold, cynical heart like a night of doing nothing special at all. Even better, save some money while indulging on our favorite bargain bites. Plus, this is a great opportunity to binge all the Oscar-nominated films before the Academy Awards on March 4.
- Go to this burlesque tribute to the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Is it a Valentine’s Day event? Yes. But it’s a tribute to a show all about a young couple encountering a house of horrors. We approve. February 14, 7:30 p.m.; Ophelia’s Electric Soapbox, 1215 20th St.; tickets are $14–$27
- Offer to babysit or dog-sit for your Valentine’s-lovin’ friends. They’ll appreciate the gesture, and you can enjoy the company of an adorable little one and/or furry friend. Plus, they’ll owe you one.
- Indulge your inner daredevil. Check out this local indoor skydiving spot, or play hooky for the day and check out one of these snowshoeing adventures.
- Get out of town. In fact, here are 52 weekend getaways that we approve of. Hint: Mexico’s Carnaval de Mazatlán is February 8–13.
- Wake up early for this morning dance party. Yes, these Daybreaker events are a lot of fun, and this one may be Valentine’s Day-themed, but let’s be real: It’s a whole lot of sweaty, sober dancers getting down at 7 in the morning. 6–9a.m.; SneekEazy, 1134 Broadway; tickets are $20–$35
- Check out the anti-V-day event, “Black Heart | White Pie” at White Pie. Along with TRVE Brewing Co., the New Haven-style pizzeria will be serving dark treats, like black pies with charcoal-infused crusts, squid ink calamari, and black frosé slushies—a perfect match for your twisted heart. 5–10 p.m.; White Pie, 1702 Humboldt St.
- Get your laughs. This Valentine’s Day-themed comedy show features Todd Glass, a Daily Show, Conan, and Tosh.0 veteran. While there are some romantic (gross!) packages available, the night promises cynicism and comedy at romance’s expense. In the meantime, check out Glass’s special on Netflix. 8 p.m.; ComedyWorks Denver, 1226 15th St.; tickets are $25–$119