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Secure a parade spot by 9 a.m. Stay for an hour, then snag a table at your favorite brunch venue.
Head home before noon, when the real craziness ensues.
Wear something green. Something. Not every single thing.
Skip the Irish car bomb. Order an Irish coffee. It tastes better and lasts longer.
Order green beer—unless you’re 21. You get a pass on your first legal drinking year.
Wear open-toe shoes if you value your pedicure…or intact pinkie toes.
Believe anyone wearing a “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” T-shirt unless they can explain hurling, a traditional Irish sport.