In a triumph on par with Revenge of the Nerds, the Playground Rejects kicked The Popular Kids squarely in the ass last night.

Of course I’m talking DORK kickball, where the “athletes” in question are often more concerned about not knocking over a beer can than scoring a home run. Still. We won 8-4. We were proud. So we went for a little carousing at the Whiskey Bar.

Turns out that last year Whiskey Bar was the official bar sponsor of DORK. This year it’s Braun’s over by the Pepsi Center, where $10 event parking prevented us from seeking out our freebie pitcher o’ suds. But the Whiskey Bar was a right proper spot to celebrate, and the pizza they let us bring in from the pizza joint around the corner totally rocked.

Then we discovered a real treat — the Whiskey Tour. Always one to take on a drinking challenge, we dug right in and got the details. Basically it works like Old Chicago’s beer tour — you make your way through the Whiskey Tour, and once you try all 48 of ’em you get your name up on the official pickled liver plaque in the bar. It’s a lofty goal, but one we decided to start on right away. No time like the present, right?

Now, some folks might consider a 48-item whiskey tour the territory of raging alcoholics. Not true. We are actually all very happy drunks. No rage here, nosireee. Plus, Wednesdays are always “Whiskey Wednesdays” so you get a buck off everything on the list. (As if we needed further incentive.)

Round One:

I started with #22, Jameson, ($5) which I ordered on the rocks, like the wuss that I am. Susan and Charles took a more straightforward approach, going with gool ol’ #1, Old Forrester ($3). Our patient waitress suggested they take it with ginger ale. Not a good sign, but good advice nonetheless. Jay went with #10, the Woodford Reserve, and Sean tried out #13, the Elijah Craig 18 year single malt.

We found out that Jameson rocks is fine, Old Forrester is nasty even with ginger ale, the Woodford was surprisingly sweet and smooth – the clear winner of round one – and that the Elijah Craig tasted, smelled, and burned exactly like Jack Daniels. Interesting.

Round Two:

I picked #33, Dewars 12 year ($6), Susan and Charles predictably went with #2, Ezra Brooks 7 year ($4.50), Jay went with #12, Basil Hayden ($8), and Sean opted out. (Something about driving us idiots home later? )

Once again, Jay and I had better success with the middle-of-the-list whiskeys. Of course, some day we’ll have to suck down a Forrester-and-ginger in order to round out our tour, but I’ve never been one to get the painful part over quickly.

We never made it to Round Three. I think two at a time is sufficient, although after a couple of whiskeys I may as well order up a #1 and a #2. (Which reminds me, never shout out “So, Susan and Charles, you both did a #1 and a #2 earlier, right?” in the middle of a crowded bar. I got both laughter and disgusted looks, and then proceeded to dig myself futher in the hole with this: “Well, that came out better for you than it did for me.” UGH.)

So, if you want to take the challenge, head over to the Whiskey Bar and sign up. If you make it, you’ll get a $25 gift certificate, your name on the plaque, a t-shirt, and a free drink. For the truly ambitious, they even have a Whiskey Tour Two with an entire new list of 48 more.

We’ll see if any of us finish the tour. But if the Playground Rejects keep it up, we might be celebrating again next week. Think I’ll skip #1 and #2 though. Bad association, ya know?